recovery

yesterday was awful. but it ends alright. my mother knows the right things to stay to make it all better. anyway this is what happens after I finish writing my post. I ask my mother if we could go to the library to get the book I need for literature. she said it's too late, the library was closed. I feel messed up again I quickly went to my room and have another painful breakdown. my mother came after me, and as usual she always know the right thing to say. soon enough I feel a tiny bit better. I ask my mother if I could go with her to deliver newspaper since I need something to distract me. she said yes, she also said we could drop by to the seller's house and see if she's home to get the bunny. so we did just that and guess what....

she was there and so was the bunny rabbit... so we take it home and give it to my sister. so yeah, it was a happy ending to the day.

I was looking forward for today since we planned to go cherry picking!!! yaayyy... and we did!! my sister bring her new Owl city CD to play in the car. I enjoy the fact that she enjoys my present :). but also the fact that I get to enjoy it too. I mean, driving through the countryside and Owl city songs are just perfect together. the cherry picking was great. me and my cousin eat while we picked, in our bucket there were only half left of the cherries that we picked.

anyway as usual I get to enjoy my profession during the trip... I'm the photographer. every body's relying on me to upload the photos and tag them on facebook. after we're done picking cherries, we went to emerald lake to have lunch. we were cooking fish on the barbecue. a friend of my mother who is a really good cook prepare the meal an turns it into an Indonesian feast. it was cool, but spicy. it's been awhile since I actually had an Indonesian meal.

it was a great day, before we go, my cousin promise to come over tomorrow so we can do homework together. but when we were going home my mother said she has to go somewhere so we have to go home without her. I've been waiting for her to come home. I went to youtube and watch a Korean band (my cousin suggest me to watch them dance, I have to admit the dance was awesome). then I watched my favourite tv show (on youtube); "Arthur". I watched that show since I was 5 and I still watch it now that I'm 15. I think I like Arthur because I can relate to him. I wear glasses like him, and I also have an annoying little sister like him.

it's now almost twelve and my mother hasn't come home. I'm a bit worried, but I'm sure she'll come home soon. I'm too tired to wait any longer so I'm going to sleep now.

crappy

today is my sister's birthday. somehow, it doesn't go too well.

I wake up early in the morning to help my mother finish sorting out the newspaper that she will be handing out later that morning. I was a bit dopey since I stay till 12 last night also because of the newspaper. I decided to stay home and watch my sleeping brother instead of going out and help my mother handing newspaper to mailboxes, I was so tired. I did slept for awhile I thought I make up all the rest I need today, but later on I found out that I'm still tired.

so after my nap, my mother ring me while she's handling the newspaper. she told me to get dressed and get the rabbits cage ready so we can pick up the rabbit from the seller. I got excited so I quickly do what she told me. then my sister woke up. I said happy birthday and tell her to get dressed because we're going to take her to a place and give her a surprise. all the present are waiting in the table but my sister say she'll wait till our mother got home. when she did my sister couldn't wait to open present and I couldn't wait to take her to see the bunny. unfortunately my father was busy with calling an insurance or something. so he miss all the present opening.

my mother gave my sister a towel that has a lion face on it (I suggested her to buy that since I know how my sister is obsessed with Narnia), perfume ( it has a picture of Winnie the pooh), and a beautiful skirt with different shade of red. my brother's present is bought by me and my mother since he's too young to understand most things in life (including the concept of birthdays). it contains a balance bird, it's a very unique model of a bird that can balance by its beak, a toy helicopter, and this magnet balls that could be made into almost anything (we figure my sister would like something like that). my father gives her a flute. she really likes it, too bad my father was too busy to see.

I told my sister I have 2 present. one is the one wrapped and the other one is a surprise I'm going to show her later. my wrapped present is a CD of Owl city I bought on e bay (well I bought it with my father's money since I don't have any but still it was my idea and I searched for it myself). I knew she really like Owl city, but I was surprised when she jumped and hug me. she said she's really happy she could cry. that was probably a moment I wouldn't ever forget.

so we quickly get ready to take my sister to the bunny seller's house. I haven't tell her what the surprise is. my mother and I planned to go early at 10, so if the seller is planning to go somewhere we could still catch up with her and ask for the rabbit. but we can't go at 10 because my father is still busy on the phone and we need someone to take care of my brother while we went. but it took so long. it was 12 already. I was so excited I become fidgety. so we decided to take my brother with me. when we got there there was no one home. you could imagine my disappointment. but that wasn't the end of the catastrophe. when we got home the door was locked, my father was not there. we waited for awhile but he didn't come back. so we decided to go to my cousin's house since we already planned to go there to celebrate. when we got there we found out that my father thought we were going to my cousins house all along so he went there to catch up with us, but of course we weren't. oh and it turns out he locked the door and forgot to bring the key. I was ready to explode. I know it's not such a big deal, but I was really looking forward to give my sister the surprise and everything now it's all a mess. I was really trying to hold my breakdown while my cousin gives my sister presents.

everything just turn crappy. I can't help but blame everyone including myself everything is just crappy. and right now I'm just felling like nothing can get worse.

but then I realize that I haven't borrowed the book I needed for literature and the library will be closed tomorrow and will stay closed until January. I'm doomed. I also realize by writing this post I just blew away my spare time that I could use to catch up with some sleep. I guess I just had to write this down or else I'll have another breakdown.

a gap in the documentation of my life.

well the title says it all. it's 9 days since I last posted. I guess when I'm famous one day all the biographer will wonder what happens during the days I have not documented. that was a joke by the way.

well I've been busy lately. my whole family is planning to visit Indonesia in January and the computer is needed to book flights. apart from that my sister's birthday is coming and I lost the flash disk where I keep all my sister's picture for the slide show, it's been a disaster! I have my resume on that USB. just when I actually spotted two vaccant position for a job. sigh...

anyway I decided it's hopeless to try to start collecting my sisters pictures all over again so the slide show is a no-go. but to make up for it guess whats my present for my sister.... A BUNNY RABBIT (I hope my sister doesn't find this blog and read this since it's going to be a surprise). I found an ad on a flyer and actually called the person who was going to sell the bunny. I'm actually very proud of myself, I just arrange my sister's present all by myself, I PHONED CALL A STRANGER!!!! that is something I'm very proud of, the only phone call I usually made is to my cousin's house. I did try to phone call places once to search for work experience, but that was not successful. you just can't imagine the struggle I went through trying to get over my nerve before calling the bunny seller. I think I wasted 15 minutes staring at my telephone. but I did it. so yeah, this is a very big deal and I'm very proud of it.

so this morning I started the day by cleaning the house (I woke up late btw). I've only finish cleaning the hallway and the kitchen when my mother suggest to go to the library to search for the book I need for my literature subject. so we went. while were at it we stopped at stores to search for a cage for the bunny rabbit (I went to the seller's house and choose a bunny and she promise to look after it until the 22 December, my sister's birthday where we're going to pick up the bunny with it's cage). there was this huge square box, my mother thought we could use that as a cage, I told her it's too big. I wanted to buy a smaller basket, a picnic basket, so my sister could keep the bunny in her room and let it play outside in the backyard every morning. we finally settled for my idea since the present is from me.

I couldn't find the book I wanted in the library so we went home. then I took a nap so I could wake up early tomorrow. after the nap my parents went to buy a car they already inspect online, we need a new car since ours always has problems every time we travel far. because the computer was vacant I went through it and did a little googling random things.

for some reason I end up searching for the jonas brothers. I used to really liked them, nowadays I'm more into ballad-like music, like owl city. it's been a long time since I've heard from each of the jonas brother; Kevin Jonas is celebrating his one year anniversary with his wife, Joe Jonas is moving in with his girl friend who is an actress who plays Alice in Twilight, Nick Jonas is doing theatre. after a did I realize two things; first of all, After a year ignoring the Jonas brother for about a year, I still think Nick is awesome. the second thing is, I should be doing my homework because I've got heaps and my mother told me to finish them before the year ends since I won't have time to finish them after pur trip in january. sigh....

anyway is 11.53 and my father is nagging me to go to bed. so yeah, bye.

I

a new day

today I wake up and I decided I'm not going lay back as I did in the last few days.no more starring anxiously to the future. today I woke up at 9 in the morning then I realize, since the holiday I've been so lazy. I mean I used to love waking up early in he morning and have a jog. during the winter I can't because the day is short and it's still dark to jog in the morning. now that it's summer, I should have the opportunity to jog. but I've been staying up late and it's hard for me to get up early. I had to stay up late because I have to pray (long story) I realize I need to improve my time management. so I make a plan for today.

I decided to use the remaining of the morning to do the laundry and clean up the house. I reminded myself that shouldn't have taken all day because there are other things I need to finish. so I told myself weather I'm finish or not I have to stop at 3 pm. I managed to clean the living room and the kitchen. I also managed to finish three piles of laundry and have them all neatly folded and inside the closets. I was doing the last basket of laundry and I realize it was pass 3 pm. so I stretched the target into 4 pm. I finish at 3. forty something.

I decided I need a nap in order to wake up early tomorrow. I planned to wake up at 5. it's kind of hard to get some sleep since I'm not used to taking naps and it was so bright outside even when I closed the curtains. so I put a pillow on my eyes and try to stay still. soon enough I was asleep.

my father woke me up and started to gabbled some instruction. typically my father had not notice I'm still too dazed to understand him. my mother comes to the rescue and patted my shoulder and repeats what my father says slowly and gently. my parents are going to take my uncle to the airport, he's going to Sydney, they're taking my brother with them. they're saying that they have cooked rice and I should cook dinner for me and my sister. they won't be back until late.

so when I feel more conscious, I sat up and stretched, I feel brand new. I made a note to myself to take afternoon naps on daily basis. I look up at my alarm and saw that it's 9.30. I don't know why the alarm didn't rang. maybe it did but I'm already used to switching it off and going back to sleep that it becomes a reflex. I realize I haven't showered today so I went straight to the bathroom. after that I prayed ashar and I recite the al masurat. that's a prayer that I is supposed to be recited every morning and evening, I used to diligently recite it every day. but lately somehow I can't find the time. at first I decided to practice my memorized quran, there was supposed to be a test on friday but the teacher can't make it so she delayed it till next week, but my mother gives my phone to my uncle while he's staying in the country so we could contact him, in my phone there is my recording of the quran, I need them to help me practice. so I decided to do that later since I still have a week.

I did plan to do my homework but then I realized that my sister has been in her room all day. if we're going to be the only one in the house I think it's a good idea that we should acknowledge each other. so I planned a movie night. at first I tried to search for a DVD we could watch. my sister suggest to look on the tv channels because it's saturday night, and there is usually a good movie. we decided to watch back to the future. at first I thought it was kind of old fashioned, but it turns out really awesome. after it was finished I quickly went online and searched for it on google. shortly after that my father and my brother came. then I remembered I should be writing on my blog so I could sleep and wake up early tomorrow. then my mother came, she explained she went to my aunt house, and that was why she's later than my father. she offer to take me to caribbien market to search for my sister's present, I agreed. and that reminds me that I haven't even started to work on my sister's slide show. as a matter of fact I haven't seen my flash disk where I kept my sister's pictures for a while, I couldn't have lost it, or could I? I'll search for it tomorrow.

anyway I've been so proud of myself today! I hoped tomorrow would be as great.

died as quickly as it has started.

okay so the thing is I changed my mind. I don't know why, I wake up one morning and all the sparks gone.

I'm no longer enthusiastically job searching. It's definitely not because I'm too lazy. but I don't know... suddenly I just thought it's not important. I realize all this time I was enthusiastically searching for a job, I was actually searching for ego. I mean why would I need a job now? my family feeds me, and even though right now were scratching to get along, we don't starve or anything that drastic, I mean it's not my job to look for money and my parents reminded me that every time. the reason I wanted a job is because I wanted to feel independent. I wanted to grow up. but then I realize... I'm not ready to grow up. I think I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility. I started going through my holiday homework, I realized they're not like my year 10 homework that I could finish in less than a week. they're a real task that would take time. and the holiday is only two month. I've always seen the school term as a far away thing that is too early to be concerned about until now. I become conscious that I could not have a new task since I haven't finish my old one. I better gain back my focus on schooling.

and I guess that was what my mother tried to tell me all along...

anyway today's weather was awesome. it's a typical Melbourne weather where the sun is strikingly hot and the wind is painfully cold. I used to hate this weather because of its extremeness, but the sky was so beautifully blue and white combination it brightens my mood right away. my mood depends on the sky. half way through my daily chores (laundry) I stopped and think; I need to get out of the house, I haven't been doing that for awhile. I ask my mother if I could ride my bike. she suggested I ask my cousins. so I did. but I ended up on a roller blade (long story). we went around the block, I picked dandelions whenever I can and I created a chain, then I turn it into a crown. we stopped by the park as my younger cousin requested then we went to my cousins house.

my aunt has shocking news; Oprah is coming to Melbourne. my aunt is a big fan of Oprah. I like Oprah, but I'm not exactly fanatical, I don't keep up to date with her stuff. my aunt ask us if we would want to join her to go to federation square where we could meet Oprah. I said yes and so does my cousins. my mother is coming as well. but there was a slight stitch on the plan. my aunt has to take my younger cousins to the library because there was a kids program, so she can't go to the city. and then it turns out we were behind schedule so we arrive late and Oprah was on her way. it was sad, but not exactly disappointing, it's not the end of the world. I just thought it would be really cool to see her in person. at least we get to pick up my uncle.

my uncle lives in Indonesia and we haven't seen him for more than a year. he came to Melbourne for business purposes, but he was going to visit us. then he will go to Sydney and visit some friends (he used to live there). anyway it was nice to see him again.he's funny and full of pranks. and today I just remember how frightening his driving was. he insisted driving today and we end up with a car full of screaming girls (including my mother). and he brings present for all of us. he gave me a bracelet with my name on it. it's really cute, only it's a bit itchy. and he gave me and my cousins a "bekel". that's a game we used to play in Indo. I remember I always gets frustrated with the game because I'm not very good at it, but the game is addictive and the more I failed the game, the more I'm keen to try.

and now it's once again almost midnight. time for me to stop...

btw i can't believe I haven't been to the library to make a library card (I don't have one, I never thought I need one because I could borrow from the school library). I think it has been month since the last time I read an Artemis fowl book. oh the torture!!!!

job searching

today was all about job searching.

I've been a bit too enthusiastic on my new ambition... getting a job.

at first my mother is somehow not very supportive. she thinks I'm being too materialistic. I've been whining about how I wanted a job, from her point of view I must have seem desperate. and yet she thinks I don't put as much effort to actually search for a job then I put to whine. I feel a bit taken a back when she confront me with all that statement. but I guess she's right.

but getting a job for me is so much more then the money. it means independent, challenge, and something to do during the holidays. it also help for the "world challenge" program that I'm involved in. I'll explain about that another day.

I wanted to put more effort in job searching. I went to Waverley gardens shopping centre with my sister and my cousins. me and my cousin went to stores and ask how to apply for job ( my other cousin and my sister is too young to get a job). most of the workers there told us to go online and search their website. we actually found a notice for vacant position in a cafe. it says to email our resume. I'm about to do that now, after I get the email address from my cousin who wrote it down.

so right now I'm sending a message to my cousin in facebook about the email address, opening coles website, and I just send a job application to Angus & Robertson book store. I was so nervous when answering the application form that I keep asking my parents for advice. then when I succed to send it I realize I made a mistake.

when the question asks:

"are you over 15 years of age and do you have a legal right to work in Australia?" I pressed the "NO" button instead of "YES"

I only realize that when I decided to print the application for safe keeping. I realize I can't undo the sending so I'm doomed. I just hope I still get the job. if I get to be called in an interview I could explain everything.

anyway I'm going to try applying for different companies now...

I'll start with a bismillah...

holiday mode

last week was exhausting. I couldn't even finish my last post. no wonder I got on to holiday mode after that. I've been wanting to write for ages. but I get easily distracted. my whole system wanted a vacation from everything. I've been so lazy, writing feels like a chore. but there is no way I'm giving up on it. I'll try to fill in from what happens since last time.

so work experience turns out really awesome. on monday, as I explain in my earlier post, I didn't do much since all they do is partying, but I got a really good view of the farm. I went on a train rides with the riders. the farm small. I'll find it boring if I'm a visitor, good thing I'm actually working, but for little kids, I bet this farm is exciting. then the girl, Shereen, gives me another tour around the farm. she showed me the baby animals. there are these two lamb, Marshmallow and chocolate, they're so cute, but they keep trying to eat my headscarf. anyway soon enough the day was over. Judy, one of the workers there, told me that tomorrow I won't be bored since they would have a class. she told me to come at 9.

on tuesday I have my first training with the horses. they taught me how to lead a horse, which is unexpectedly hard especially since the horse is humongous. they give me warnings of the consequences of handling the horse incorrectly, I knew that it is important for safety, but I learned that after the work experience I gain a little bit more cautious feelings for horses then I was before. but it was still exciting. I didn't get to lead a horse while a rider is riding it since I'm still not experience enough, but I did learn how to sidewalk. that is when you walk beside the horse and hold the saddle and locking the riders foot on your arm so they don't fall of. sidewalking is important for a rider that has multiple sclerosis or other disorder where they can't keep they're legs secure while riding a horse. I went home early that day because there is no more riding session, only partying. I wasn't the only volunteer who went home, I saw another person leaving as well. the guy who's about my age that I said in my last post (I found out that his name is Milos, I think that's how it's spelled) decided to stay, he seem a bit upset that other volunteers are leaving. when he saw me pack my bag he said "oh are you leaving too?" I just nodded. somehow his concern made me smile... a bit. Judy told me that on Wednesday the volunteers are having a barbecue, I'm welcome to come if I want to but there won't be any work. I decided not to come because I don't feel I would fit in with other volunteers that has worked through the year while I was just getting started.

on thursday there it was raining in the morning and boiling in the evening. typical Melbourne weather. I did more sidewalking, I also lead a horse for a warm up (without a rider). I learn how to feed them. I also help training a rider who got visual impairment. I went to the end of the arena and ring a bell and the rider tries to steer his horse so he can approach the ringing sound. it was so cool!!! at the end of the day I ask Judy again if I should come tomorrow. she said there won't be any riding so I said I'll stay home. she says thanks for my help, even though I don't think I've help much. I say thanks for having me and with that my work experience is over. I wish I could stay as a volunteer, but I found out later that the RDA only opens on weekdays and closed for the holidays, so since I have school, looks like it's not possible. well at least I could still put my work experience on my resume.

on saturday it was hot, so in the afternoon me and my cousins family went for a bath in the lake. I forgot the detailed location. it was very refreshing. the water was ice cold at first, but when I got used to it it feels lovely. I've been waiting for a swim since the start of summer, I don't really fancy swimming pools though, I feel uncomfortable with the stares on my covered swimsuit. in a lake I wore my normal clothes. in the morning we went to the cinema.

sunday was spent mostly relaxing and on the evening we went to a barbecue in a friend's house.

monday I spent the time making a slide show for my sister while she's at school. her birthday is coming soon and I wanted to make a slide show like I did to my cousin. I like making slide shows. somehow it represent how I feel about a person. I spent the day gathering my sister's picture, I even include some where she is still a baby. and there is this picture of me and her riding on a tricycle. it was so mesmerising, to bad I can't recall the moment. I went to my cousins house because I need to scan the photos into the computer. she also help choose which photos to scan. we end up choosing heaps. so it took awhile to scan all of them. while we're doing that, we recite some of our memorised Quran chapters, we have test our memorised Quran chapters on friday and we had promised my mother to get it perfect in return for the trip to the cinema to watch "the voyage of the dawn trader" from the chronicles of Narnia on saturday. and before we knew it the day was over. today I decided I had to make sure I have time to write on my blog but there were plenty things to do. so I'm going to make a list of things I need to do for the holiday...

1. make a slide show for my sister, and go shopping for her present.
2. do the laundry "daily"
3. start doing my holiday homework (ahh, the taste of VCE...)
4. help my mother delivering local newspaper
5. practice reciting the Quran
6. clean the house (I have to or else nobody will do it)
7. keep writing on my blog
8. think of something to write for a writing competition
9. get a job

thats all I could think of..I might want to edit this list later on