exhausted

been three days since I wrote in this blog! so much for writing daily. but there has been so much going on and every evening I was exhausted. honestly I was. with work experience and all that. luckily tomorrow I could take a break.

I wanted to start writing about the gathering on sunday, but I'll save that for later. right now work experience has been the major event.

on monday my mother drive me to Myuna Farm, where the Riding for the disability is located. my career teacher told me to arrive one hour early so the person in charge could introduce me to my workplace. but I was surprised when nobody was there when I arrive except for the man who takes care of the horse, he told me to sign a volunteer form (that's what I'll be doing, volunteering, so unfortunately I don't get paid 5 dollars like my friends who work as cash registers or other jobs). he also put the kettle on and said I could make tea or coffee while waiting for the other volunteers. I don't drink coffee, I was about to make a cup of tea, but then I consider that I'm not familiar with this place, I don't know who has been using the mugs and have they clean them properly. so I set that idea aside. I thought I'm going Mysophobic which means fear of germs. but then again I'm not scared of getting my hands dirty, I enjoyed being dirty, always have. but I always clean up afterwards, I think I washed my hands more than 5 times a day (who would bother counting?). and I'm very concerned about things that touches my mouth, like mugs, spoon, etc...

anyway I have to wait in that small office (I'm not sure what else to call it). my mother waited with me for awhile but then she has to leave so I was left all alone in that strange place. in an unfamiliar place, I usually froze until someone properly introduce me to the place, showed me around, then i would explore every bit I could see in the room then I would feel less nervous. but no one was there. moving only made me more nervous so I tried to numb my brain by forgetting the whole situation by day dreaming about a story from books. Artemis fowl book works best. that keeps my mind wondering for a while.

finally someone came. I herd the sound of a motorbike. then came a woman in a bike jacket and helmet. she put her things away and says a simple "hi" to me. I said hello back. she sits down and read the newsletter, I still wonder if she knows who I am back then. maybe someone already told every volunteer that a work experience student is coming, or maybe there are so many volunteers that they'r not surprised when they see someone they don't recognise.

then some more people came along. two women and a girl roughly my age, I think she's the daughter of one of the woman. they're all bringing party gears on a shopping bag. they say hello and start decorating the place with Christmas decoration, naturally I offer to help. then one of the woman say that I'm lucky I came at the last week before holiday where there is not much work to be done, so I knew she knew I'm new, I think she knew I'm a work experience student. some more people started coming in. soon enough I introduce myself and they introduce themselves. I lost their names except for Lisa (the lady from the motorbike), Shereen (the girl about my age), Judy (a woman who looks healthy and strong but I think she's actually quite old because of her white hair, then again maybe she's just really really blond), Barb (a very elderly woman). they're all very friendly but they don't give me instruction on what to do. I still fill lost. they hinted that they're going to have a party for the riders (that's what they call the kids who came to take lesson on horse riding). I have a feeling I won't be doing anything today. I was right.

later on a boy roughly my age comes, he comes alone, without a parent. I wonder why he's here. shouldn't he be at school, it's not holiday yet. maybe he's in VCE and and had a head start on the holiday. but why is he spending his holidays here? most teenage boys I knew spend their times with their mates. he's here spending time with much older ladies. I thought he definitely not a normal teenager. but I change my mind when he started to be a bit whingy, sulky and crack jokes. he's normal alright...

I got a bit overwhelmed when the first group of riders arrive. they have autism. I've seen autistic people before, but I was a bit surprised when a group of them suddenly crowded over the bench I was sitting. but then I got used to them. because I have nothing to do, I spend my time observing. most of the autistic kids seem to be wearing uniforms, so they must be from school. they look younger than me but I'm not quite sure. I specifically attracted to an adorable kid with dark hair and big green eyes. at first I thought she's a boy because of her short hair, but then I realize she's wearing pink shoes and people called her a "her". after the kids had their party and eaten their party food the ladies took them to see the horses while they feed them with apples and carrots. I tagged along since I haven't seen the horses. they took us to a paddock just outside the office (I still don't know what it is called). the ladies that feeds the horse come inside the paddock and closed the gate so the kids don't come inside. I decided to stay outside as well. there is a white horse near the fence, I give him/her a stroke on it's head. then they took the kids to take a train ride.

oops I got distracted on facebook and now it's too late to write the rest of the story... maybe tomorrow..

downhill

well it's halfway through the orientation, before I knew it, soon it will be the holidays.

yesterday I had biology orientation. the class was even more crowded than methods. I reckon that's probably most people want to be a docter and get a medical course in uni (I don't understand why, but it's true. the majority of the school would probably say they want to be a docter when they grow up. then I found the... crush rival boy there. typical. I soon found out I need 4 books (1 textbook, 2 activity books, and one biology dictionary) for this subject. my cousin had biology last year so I could have her textbook. but the other books has to be bought new. I'm now old enough to realize that at the end of every year my parents are usually short of money. in fact, according to my observation, our supply of food depends on my mother's wages of delivering the local newspaper. things like these bothers me even when my parent's always told me not to bother about it. they reckon it's their responsibility to look for money. but it makes me feel guilty. I even cried (a bit) last year when I accidentally read the email my father wrote to his company, asking for an early delivery of his scholarship money for the next year. this year it puts a pressure on me to find a job since I'm now legally old enough to work.

after the biology orientation, I went home. I don't have any more orientation that day so I'm free. I have to go back at lunch time to deliver my sister's lunch since my mother does not have time to fix it in the morning. also I have gardening club every Thursday lunchtime. it was raining quite heavily when I was on my way back to school. my long, ground touching dress was soaked. typical. at least gardening club was cancelled so I could go back home.

after I get home I was asking my parents about work experience. I'll be working at a horse stable, for a company called; "Raiding for the disability". the name says it all. anyway it was quite a distance away so I was asking my parents if they could take me there before work experience start so I could get the Idea of where I'll be going, how long it will take me to get there and at what time would I have to be going in order to be on time. it turns out we're busy on the weekends. there is this gathering on sunday and we're going to werribee zoo on saturday. so my mother suggest that I could go today. at first they want to take me in the car, but I suggest maybe we could take the bus instead, so I could learn how to get there if I have to go by myself. they agree. my father is going with me.

I rather wished my mother to come with me instead. it's not that I dislike my father, I don't. in fact I look up to him. it's just that we don't do much father-daughter outings. and when we do, sometimes it gets awkward. because sometimes my father just don't get what I want, and I'm not exactly very good in communicating, sometimes I just couldn't spell out laud what I wanted to say. my mother has a motherly instinct, she always knows what I need. but with my father, occasionally it all ends out with me getting frustrated. an usually my father won't notice, and I end up holding a grudge. but I have very extreme mood swings and my father has the most innocent expression so the grudge never last long.

the whole trip is not very exiting. I found out it takes me exactly 60 minutes to get there by bus. the worst part of it all is waiting for the bus, that was unexpectedly annoying. I made a mental note to myself to go to the library sometime before work experience to borrow an Artemis fowl book, so I'll have something to do while waiting for the bus. I was glad when the trip was over.

the next day I had PE orientation in the morning. it was a small class of 14 people. I realize none of my friends are there, I guess that shouldn't have bothered me but it did. however, there is someone who used to sit next to me on physical science. he's taking PE as well. and I do know a few people. so don't I'm not completely alone.

after PE, I have 45 minutes before the next orientation which is Chemistry. at first I thought I could spend some quality time on my own, but then I realize that 45 minute is too long. so I began to look for my sister's class. I went to the office check out the year 8 timetable, then I just went to my sister's classroom. it was a computer room. I ask the teacher again whether I could stay, he said yes. I surprised my sister, and my cousin who's in the same class. so I spend my free time loging on the computer and check the school website (most websites are blocked from the school network, and I got bored trying to goggle random things). my second visit to the year 8s pleasant, but not as exciting as the first one. the other year 8s was so busy in the computer they didn't notice me coming in. I only met they boy I talked to the other day when the bells gone and we were heading to the door. and he only had time to say "hi". too bad, I wanted to hear the rap he made for me.

in chemistry I found out we would spend the whole semester learning about the periodic table. I quickly thinking of switching subject. I can't stand memorising, especially not the periodic table. there were things I have to consider. my first argument is; most of my friends are doing the subject, one of my favourite teachers, Mr. Radisic, is teaching chemistry, there's a chance I could be in his class, my mother always tell me to be more open minded, she would've said I should try chemistry before announcing that I hate it. the other side of the argument is that this year I announce to my parents that I wanted to drop two of my subjects (computer programming and physical science), they say I should stick with it and I end up regretting it, I was wasting my time on things that I don't even like, I don't want that to happen again, the other thing is I wanted to be An environmental scientist, I don't think I need chemistry for that, beside, I haven't bought the textbook yet.

so I talked about it later on to my parents. my prediction were right, my mother suggest me to stick with it, she said she doesn't like chemistry either, but she said I should try it and my father is an expert in chemistry (he's an expert in everything) so he could help me. while my father suggest that I should try a different subject if I wouldn't use chemistry later on. in some ways my father and I are alike. we both tend to focus on one thing, it's both a positive thing and a negative thing. by being focus we are very passionate on what ever we do. but by focusing on one thing, we both tend to block out everything else. so I should have a balance on being focus and being well rounded. I'm still deciding whether I'm going to switch subject.

the next day we were going to Werribee zoo with my cousins family. they got a free ticket, we didn't so we have to pay. but it rained heavily in the morning. my mother thought it would be a waste if we still have to pay to go to the zoo, but we can't stay long because of the rain. secretly I'm pleased. I'm rather bored of Zoo's, I was looking forward for the gathering on sundae, we're going to have an "exchange of presents". that's a game where we're all going to find a gift and wrapped it and then exchange it with a group of friends. I love that game because everybody gets a present. it feels like it's everyone's birthday.anyway I haven't bought a present, so it's a good thing we're not going to the zoo so I could go shopping for my gift.

so me, my sister and my mother went to the mall, me and my sister each choose something for our present. the rules of the game is that every present has to be worth five dollars. I choose an electric fan that is small enough to carry (usefull for the summer). that costs 2 dollars. than I can't decide between a reading light or a chime (the kind that you hung by the door and it makes a chime every time the wind blows. so I end up buying both. later on I decided on the wind chime, my mother said I could keep the reading light for myself, YAY.

well that's my life so far. since everything is going downhill, I'm going to sit back and enjoy the ride.

its heree.... yr 11 orientation

I'm a VCE student!!!

it started from yesterday. in the morning yr 10 has activities on the oval. while playing tug of war I slipped and stain my dress with a greenish colour (from the grass). then on session two we went to the theatre and watch a video clip of yr 10 photos taken this year. there was only one picture that include me, and that was at the very end of the clip. :) I guess I'm not that popular...

my first orientation subject is in session 4...math methods. but I'm free on session 3. the weather was awfully hot. at first I thought maybe I could spend my time in the library helping with the stock take, but they don't need any help and shooed me out of the library. so in desperate attempt to find Air conditioning, I went with my cousin to a year 12 orientation. it was math specialist. I think the teacher didn't notice me. I remembered being surrounded by genius looking people. and they were all so quiet. then the teacher started to revise from their last math exam. my brain start to hurt from there. he was discussing about a math problem that included trigonometry, direction, and something about Newton's second law. my cousin save me and give me an I pod to block my ears. it works. but then I realize most of the songs there are Korean. My cousin is not from Korea, she doesn't even speak Korean. interesting taste.

math method orientation is absolutely full. it reminds me how many geniuses I have to compete with. thankfully lots of people I know is here. I hope we'll be in the same class. in the orientation after they inform us about asignments, exam and other stuff, they make us do a small test. my brain is still in "numb" mode because of the I pod (music does that to me... I have trouble with my focus). I did badly. to think I was hoping to set a good first impression :(.

the next day (thats earlier today), I have History orientation. first the teacher made us write down on a piece of paper why we choose history. I wrote about how I enjoy listening to stories from the past and how I specifically enjoy learning about massacres, murders, unsolved mysteries and villains through out history. I think I succeed to set a good Impression this time :).

I had another free time for about an hour. the heat was worse than yesterday. fortunately my sister pass by. so I went with her to her class. the teacher notice me this time. I explained how I'm not exactly in school today since I'm having my orientation and I need a place to stay while I wait for the next class. eventually the teacher let me stay, it's not like I broke any rules or anything. so I stay in a year 8 class. it's a history class and everyone was bored, including the teacher. a boy suddenly notice me.

he's like: 'hey we got a new student!'

I'm like: 'hello'

and then he said: 'what's your name?'

'Nisa.'

'hey everybody! her name is Lisa'

'It's Nisa' corrected my sister in a stern voice, I notice that my sister's friends seems to enjoy teasing her, while she enjoys yelling at them.

'okay Nisa, how old are you?'

'uhh.. 15.'

'hey everybody Nisa is 15 and she's a mature young lady!'

what the...

then other students started to ask whether I'm in year 9 and do I have second hand books to sell to them that they can use next year. I told them I'm in year 10. I'm pretty young for my year level so it's quite normal for them to think I'm in year 9.

then another boy comes up.

'hey are you supposed to be here?'

'no.'

'then why are you here?'

'because I want to.'

then the first bot joined in on the conversation. and it gets off topic.

'hey do you have hair underneath that thing?' he meant my headscarf.

'No.' I said while my sister is saying "Yes." at the same time.

'so you're bold?'

'yeah' that's what I said.

'Of course she has hair you....' I forgot what my sister say next. I was too impressed at her effort defending me.

'you really should be careful what you're saying. she's got a very bad temper.' I said, pointing at my sister, secretly proud.

'I know' said the second boy. 'she hit me once'

'I DID NOT hit you!!'

'she did too....with a hammer.'

'so can you show me a bit of your hair?' ask the first boy. I decided that was innocent curiosity.

'NO.' said me and my sister at the same time.

'why not?'

'because I don't like you.' that's my answer.

'that's stupid, so if you like me you could show me your hair?'

I sighed. these boys are so gullible.

I had to leave in the middle of the class because of the next orientation subject. I thanked the teacher for having me. but most of the class didn't really notice me going. I found out later from my sister that the boys ask her about me. they even made a song about me. well... a rap, but I consider that as a song. that's so sweet. apparently, they're so bored, that someone who is not supposed to be in their class made their day a little bit more exciting. I'm looking forward for a second visit to the year 8s. maybe on Friday.

I had Literature orientation next. apparently I came to early that another class was there. embarrassing. so I went exploring around the school. when I come back, I was late. typical. I would probably be the only student in Literature that has only been in Australia for two years. I don't know if I'm up to the standard since Literature is the hardest english class. usually, if you only been in Australia for up to 7 years, you have to take ESL (english as a second language) subject. but for some reason I'm not allowed to take it. I still wonder why. so since I'm not allowed to take ESL, I thought maybe I could press my luck and take Literature. beside I get good marks on my english subjects, and I enjoy writing and reading. it'll be a tough challenge. I wanted to see if I could make it.

last day of year 10...

I was looking forward to this day ever since.... halfway through the year. but when it is actually here... I don't know...

I blame the teachers that keeps on saying goodbye. Mrs. Wandoch saying I did well on the english exam (even though I wrote with a pencil, she doesn't seem to notice that). Miss Ferugia saying she's going to London and won't be coming back till we're in year 12. Mr. Paulous asking if I enjoy physical science. and I said yes. it is boring, but I'm not lying, I did enjoy the boredom. I know he's trying hard as a teacher, and I appreciate that.

then I did a little reminiscing. This year hadn't been perfect. I had a few uninvited moments, a few people I detest, a few people who detest me, awkward situation, hard times, etc... anyway, school life has not been easy. I feel there is a moment where I feel my confident just shrunk into a tiny ball that compressed my lungs. but little by little I try to push that feeling away, little by little I try to speak up. I try to let people into my life. I definitely changed this year. this year I began to build a barrier with the opposite sex. not that I avoid them, but I try not to get too close. I couldn't do that two years ago, I was too carefree. while last year I was in a girls school. this year I began to learn to speak up when I want something, instead of shrinking back waiting to be ask what I want. this year I learn to be more sociable, I realize making friends are not that hard. instead of waiting for someone to say hi to me, I went up to people and talk. and this year I just realize something, I found the courage to let my friends see my random personality. usually I hide it at school, and released it at home. I realize that my friend laugh along with me. they enjoy my randomness, and that certainly boost my confidence.

boy this is getting dramatic...

I realized that I regret nothing this year. I wouldn't change anything if I could go back. even though sometimes I want time to go faster, I realize that I actually enjoy watching myself growing up, It's worth all the wait.

looking for something to look forward to - continued

hi. it's 6 am monday morning I probably have enough time to finish my post.

so the rest the kids are in prep. they're the one who got restless. there is a dominating kid who is like the leader of the gang. they do what she wants them to do. she's actually a good leader. only she has an annoying habit of throwing a tantrum when things does not go her way. the other kid is my cousin who is a bit self centered, he will do anything to be accepted with his peers, and he can't stand to be told what to do, he had an annoying habit of sulking. the third kid is a new one, I'v just met her that day. this kid is more mature than the others. the problem is, she speaks Indonesian. and I mean fluent Indonesian, I'v spent 8 years in that country I still have problems trying to understand her, it's even harder for the other kids to understand her. but all three of them are really sweet, usually. to day was an exception, I blame the heat.

so yeah I volunteered to take them to the park, my cousin and the Indonesian speaking girl rode scooters while the leading girl ride on a bike. the bike actually belongs to my cousin , and secretly all three kids wanted to ride the bike. but there was only one.

it turns out taking them to the park was a mistake, because as usual, the leading girl domineers over the other, at first the others doesn't mind, I just play along as well. but my cousin was getting impatient, he sulks. that annoys the girl, so she ignored him. my cousin started to whinge. he wanted to go home. I couldn't clearly take him home and leave the others all alone in the park, so I told him he have to wait, he sulks more. I use special ability to deal with that, I ignore him and have fun with the others, that treatment usually works. it could have worked if it went for longer. the others started to get uncomfortable and wanted to go home as well. the Indonesian speaking girl say she wants to ride the bike, I think she deserves to ride it since she's being very patient about it. so I talked to the leading girl about that. she sulks. I admire that girl for her expert persuasion. but I'm not going to let down the other girl. this girl needs to learn how to share. I now I can't go soft on her or else it won't be fair, but going hard on anyone won't solve anything, so I compromise. I told her I'll give her a piggy back ride. but she doesn't want to. she want to ride the scooter my cousin is riding. I compromise with my cousin and he's absolutely delighted. so I piggy back him and give the scooter to the girl, but then she change her mind, she wanted me to piggy back her while riding the scooter which is close to impossible. by then I was ready to fume, and so does my cousin. thankfully one of the parents arrive. it's the father of the Indonesian speaking girl. he wants her to come back to the house because they were going home. so she left without the bike. I thought that would solve the problem since the bike is now available, but by now both kids wanted me to piggy back them. so I suggest that they could take turn to riding the bike and my back. they agree, but after a few steps I realize that dragging two scooters and carrying a kid on my back is impossible. so I have to talk to my cousin who is on my back, I told him I can't carry him while dragging two scooters. he understands. he climbed down and ride on the scooter, but the girl does not understand. she blamed my cousin and she rode of with the bike across the street leaving us behind. my cousin blames me so he left his scooter and ran of following his friend, wondering if she would still be his friend. I was left with two scooters that I have to drag all the way to the house. i was abselutely hurt. not because I blame them, they're just kids, but because I have no one to blame. that's just annoying. I spend the rest of the day avoiding the kids. the leading girl actually notice that and she felt sorry. so she gave me a painting of me with a love heart. it's really unusual for someone her age to be that sensitive. I reckon she'll be a great leader someday.

after the party is finished we went home, my two cousins came with us. they were going to sleep over. the next day was slow, I read a book, then got bored. I wish I could got to the library and borrow an Artemis fowl book, I haven't touch that series since the exams. I already finish the fourth book. Artemis fowl is my latest obsession, I'm absolutely addicted.

my cousin and my sister are busy writing a story for their homework, it was actually very good, writing runs in the family :) my other cousin is busy drawing character from Artemis fowl. she teased me with spoilers from the 5th and 6th series. that is one of the reason I can't wait to get hold of them. I was doing the laundry. as usual. that's why I was bored. so I try to excite my self with something to look forward too, heres the list:

1. year 11 orientation
2. work experience
3. school holidays
4. I'm also planning to go swimming in a lake since the weather is getting hotter, but I haven't decided on a date... or maybe a picnic in a park.

looking for something to look forward to

heyyy, it's been three days I haven't write anything.

it's not that I'v been busy... It's just the opposite. I'm not busy enough.

I need something to look forward to. my brain is already pass, the "cooling down" part (the cooling down part is how your brain functions when it has already done a major work out...like studying for exams. in a cooling down period, you will not be bothered to do anything but to relax). my "cooling down" moment always ends too short. I cant stand doing nothing. I'm the type that's get easily bored. but I'm also the type who never lets boredom stay too long, unlike some people. it's kind of annoying how some people are always complains that their bored but still not bothered to do anything. it's like they're actually enjoyed being bored, like they find complaining is very exciting, even though it's not very entertaining to others.

well I won't be that kind of person. but right now, I'm kind of stuck inside the house. before I started telling about how I overcome my feeling of boredom. I think I might have to fill in the gaps since my last post. since friday...

so I wake up in the morning, go to school, I don't remember my subjects in the morning, but I do remember last session I went to monash aquatics, we were having a zumba class. we have been doing that since last term. this was our final class. I've grown to quite like zumba, I should confess that I'm very stiff, as a result of my lack of dancing background, but I am good at moving my feet with the rhythm, I guess that means I'm kinesthetic.

In saturday I went to my cousin house because of this gathering with a few of my parents friend. the grown ups are barbecuing, my sister and my cousin are gossiping, while I play with the little kids as usual. it was a hot day and the kids were restless, I volunteered to take them to the park, but then they got on a fight. it was funny because I was actually involved. yet when I try to have a say, I was only making things worse. so heres how it goes. there were 7 kids. 2 were babies (including my brother). they were happily enjoying themselves on their own so I don't need to bother them. the other two were Primary kids. they feel more superior to the other kids so they lock themselves in their room and play "big kids" game. they're actually playing dress up and pretending they're on a date..

my brother is having a tantrum, I beter quit blogging because my mother needs to turn out the lights so he can go to sleep..

great day

Today started out okay. this morning I had watermelons for breakfast. I love watermelons. but I think I had too much because then I had a stomach ache :). but it soon pass over.

In math we were supposed to be having a test, but since it's the very last lesson, the teacher cancel it :D. she said we could do whatever we want. all of the students went to the computers. I'm bored with computers, so does my friend Radhika and Anh. so we just fool around, creating origami, making a fortune teller, etc.. anyway we were the loudest in the class, which is very weird since we were usually the quietest. my teacher decided that she need our (that's us three) help to marks yesterday's exam, very suspicious. but we help her anyway. we discover our marks. guess what I get.... 119% (I think... my memory is failing me, I knew it was more than 100% but I forgot exactly how much) :)))) I get extra marks for doing the bonus question. I didn't even knew they were bonus questions.

in English we were watching this movie about south africa. you know, where there is conflict between the white and the black. I really like the movie, but we didn't finish it, I was going to ask my teacher what is the title of the movie, but she was busy so I decided I would just search for it.

at the end of the day we went to Fitness first. I began to really like the treadmill.

some of my friends didn't come to school today, because they're going to awards night. I have a bit of a breakdown for awhile. I never get any award. but I could always trust my mother to say the right words to make it all better :). it's a long story. I don't feel like telling it right now. maybe I'll write about it someday...