my poor glasses...

I broke my glasses.

actually my mother accidentally step on it.

it broke into halves.

you can not believe how hard it is for me to write this post. I have to stick my nose to the screen.

anyway I've noticed that my blog's getting boring. well... more boring than usual. so, in a pathetic attempt to make my life more dramatic I would write about the athletic carnival.

ooh and maybe I would change the blog's background and stuff. :)

so yesterday the school was having the early athletic carnival. and as usual I was participating. because I am such a good student. and also because it gives me something to do. and also because it's FUN!! I cannot understand why people could just say they're not bothered and sit around for more than six hours! and there is something about competition that makes me excited. I don't care much for the result. it's the heart beating moment right before you compete. the feeling that everything matters and it's all up to me. and then the silent feeling afterwards where I'll just go"okay, I'm gonna do it now,...." then after a second it's all over. it's just beyond words. after that you might feel disappointed or contented, but the feeling before that, is the one that really matters to me. yikes... bad grammar.

last year I mostly wonders around by myself. this year I hang around my friends. though most of them are the "not bothered to participate and would rather sit around" type (again, bad grammar). at least I have someone to take care of my bag for me while I do stuff :). but yeah, I manage to pursue one of them to promise me they'll join in next year.

so the result...

(drum roll please...)

I got 3rd place in 16 years female 200m sprint (out of three people)

I got 2nd place in 16 years female long jump (again out of three people, it's not fair actually the other girl had longer legs.)

I got 1st place in 16 years female discuss (out of two people, but still, it's the first time I get to win first place :))

and I suck at high jump :(

the rest of the event I spend time learning how to play thirteen (I'm beginning to get the hang of it) and listening to Korean pop. I learned that my friend is also a fan of super junior.

above all I have and awesome day. I was so tired I fall asleep at 5. and my legs are still sore :)

your call

right now I'm listening to your call-secondhand serenade.

it calms me down (awesome)

but it also makes me more depressed.

school starts.

and my history assignment is a mess.

it's the topic. I choose a hard one.

I should have work on it more on the holidays.

everyone else seem to have finish it.

and my partner was no help :(.

yes, it's the same one I wrote on the earlier post (awesome).

she didn't come to school today because she doesn't want to see her ex.

that's just...

I don't....

I know that she...

what about.....

AAGGGHH...

help....

a bath

I had a bath today :).

that's right people, not a shower..

a bath.

it's been ages since I had one.

this is the first time I used the bathtub in this house. it's a bigger than the on in the old house. the moment would have been perfect if the water is warm enough. it is not warm enough if my skin hasn't turn red. but it's still nice.

I went running today :). lately I started running again in the morning. since the new house is closer to the oval it makes it more convenient. last term I won second place from my age group on cross country carnival :)). last year I only come fourth. it was a surprise since I thought I did worse, and I'm pretty sure I'm right. it's probably because there were less people participating in my age group. my cousin and I almost arrive at the same time (I beat her by a few seconds), yet she arrive 6th place in her age group (she's a year older). so to get to the next round, the district cross country, I reckon I need more training. that was the reason I started running again.

yesterday I was a bit down. the day started okay though. my little cousins came over and I amuse myself by watching them wrestling with each other while silently wishing I could join in. then my mother suggested to go to the city because there is an exhibition on display (it has something to do with king tut). at first I wasn't sure if I wanted to come since I haven't finish my chemistry work, but then I decided I can't resist the temptation to go out. so I dress up. it was one of those rare moments where I actually come up with a matching, decent outfit. so I was looking forward to it. but then it got canceled, my mother reckons that since we were going to go to the city the next day (there were a seminar or something) we should stay home today, ooh and maybe I could do my chemistry homework instead. me and my big mouth. now I don't have a choice but do the work. so that's where it all started...

I haven't mention this, but my cousins (my other cousins older than the first ones I mention...yess I have a lot of cousins) came over for the intention of going to the city. but since it's canceled they decided to stay over. they started to watch korean drama with my sister on youtube while I do my work. that doesn't bothered me. lately I tried to avoid addictive entertainment knowing I couldn't resist the distraction. ever since the time my mother scold me from reading too much manga (it was W juliet, I mention the incident in my earlier post). even till now I still think it's unfair, but I know I could never win. I'm too weak.

anyway as I started working I begin to think that maybe my cousins think I'm boring. lately I know there was a conflict between my cousins and their mother. no body blames me. nobody even tells me about it. but I could feel it. and I could feel I'm involved. I can't explain it's true. nobody would admit it. but it's true. sometimes I feel like the world is just so fake. I just sometime i just wish the world will reveal the obvious. It was my fault. instead of just trying to hide it from me. my cousin hates me. well maybe not hate, she's too nice. she despise me. she's annoyed that I'm just too selfish, too self centered. childish. that ignorantly, I caused her problems.

I know that feeling sorry for yourself does not solve anything. but it's a humane act. it what keeps me sane. my grip to reality. sometimes I dream too much that I 'm scared I'll lose it.

so I started to exclude myself from them. a childish act I know. but healthy.

moments after that my friend came over. the same friend that went with us to the library yesterday. I remembered about the movie night (see previous post...). but it turns out my cousin isn't allowed to sleep over. that's part of the conflict I was writing about. she smiled while she tells me about it. it hurts.

than the friend says that then she won't be sleeping over as well.

that's when I started to realise how awkward I am at socialising. that the friend was only hang out with us because of my cousin.

well my cousin wasn't allowed to sleep over but she's allowed to stay here late to watch the movie that the friend has brought with her. I can't stand it. my mother say she's going shopping with my aunt. I told her I want to come. I didn't say anything to anyone else and sneak out when nobody else is watching.

I just have to be as far away from everyone as possible. the shopping wasn't bad. I almost ask my mother to buy me a teddy. I need something to cuddle. then i decided that I would rather have pair of jeans instead. but I couldn't find the right one. I'm very picky.

so yeah yesterday was crappy. I'm glad it was over

awesome

well its been months.....

you can very well guess what happened.

i get distracted a lot it's hard for me to stick to something.

anyway i'm still not giving up. I think my life is worth documenting.

so right now It's the holidays after term one. this holiday I've been busier than last holiday. for one thing it's because I actually have homework....can't you believe that?

HOLIDAY HOMEWORK!!!

that is not something I'm used to. but it's all part of the vce thingy.

and believe it or not I actually have finish some.

well one actually...

I got homework from every subject.

so I still got plenty more.

but lately I manage to be more focus than last year. especially since I've had chicken pox and missed school for two weeks. I manage to train myself. with a little help from K pop. I found out that music actually help me to concentrate, especially catchy, upbeat, music sung in a foreign language.

yeah forget about bieber fever.... I got the Korean pop fever.

I know I tease my cousin in one of my posts about her interest in Korean songs. but when I listen to them closely and watch the music videos I can't help myself.

those guys are awsome.

the choreography is best part. and they are pretty good looking.

they change my whole prespective of Asians.

I mean, I know I considered myself Asian, but my mother always has something againts asian countries. and that include ours. so I grew up looking down on asia. sticking to western lifestyle. so after I saw them. it changes everything.

I've said it once I'll say it again....those guys are awesome.

anyway today me, my cousin and a friend went to springvale library. it sound dull I know. but really, it feels like a day out. just us, you know, without any adults, dressing up smart, carrying books and bags, I feel like a uni student or something. boy I need to get out more.

it started from my group assignment. my history teacher just has to give us a group assignment just before the holidays and it's due the first day back.

so me and my partner agreed to meet up on the library. I ask my cousin and a friend to come and they agree. we took the bus. the assignment meeting doesn't turn out very long. my partner agrees with everything I suggested and then spends her time on the phone. don't get me wrong, it's not that I hate her. she's an awesome friend (I seem to grow fond of that adjective). but I would appreciate a bit more contribution. but I know she won't let me down. so I gave her a job and tell her what I'll be working on and then we decided to keep in touch with facebook. finish.

then I started working on my chemistry work. the subject doesn't turn out as bad as I expected, in fact I got a full mark on my last test :). anyway then I started to look at books and dvds. then I suggested to my cousin and my friend that we should have a movie night. so we borrowed a few dvds and agreed on a date; tomorrow night!

anyway then we got out and decided to buy chips since we were hungry. then we were talking and eating and the bus went pass us. the next bus is another hour away. so we end up chasing it into the next bus stop. luckily for us the train block the traffic. it was an awesome moment.

anyway that's my day!!! :) it felt so good to write again. I should stick with this.

ooh btw, I moved house :)

unfair chickenpox

guess who got the chickenpox...

it all started from indo. my brother got these mysterious red spots.

my mother suspected chickenpox right away, but weirdly...my brother does not have a fever. and his spots are only a few and are soon gone.

so we didn't worry about it.

that is until my sister started to get spots too, and a fever too.

she was diagnosed with chickenpox. and soon enough same thing happen to me.

we have to at least stay five days without school. but it gotten really severe. I end up staying for two weeks. it was horrible. the first night I couldn't sleep. it's the spots! not the fever. they're everywhere. for five days (i think) I don't even dare to touch my face. showers are a constant torture, having to touch my skin is constant torture. I avoid mirrors and shiny surface so I won't see my own reflection. that is pretty much the description of how severe it was. though I didn't get frequent high temperature like my sister, my skin has gotten the worse of it. so I've been feeling down lately. right now most of the spots has turn into scabs so I look a bit better and able to touch my own skin. my face still look awful. If only I could upload the picture I'v taken with my camera, unfortunately there is some problem with it.

there is still so much I wanted to write about. schoolwork, friends, and heaps of other stuff. but unfortunately I still don't have my own personal computer and my father is now waiting for his turn. so bye.

intro to "notes from indo"

heyyy....
so you people who bothered reading blog (recently none) would notice that yet again I have left another gap in the document of my life (I'v got to stop calling it that). anyway this time it's not my fault. right now i'm in indo and boy internet is slow. I'm staying at an apartment. we get free internet but only in the loby. that's quite a walk. beside I'v got places to be, things to do, stuff to buy (that are wayyy cheper than in ozzy). but I haven't actually stop writting. I realize now that I'm as much as addicted to writting as I am to reading. when I stop reading a book halfway. I get this this gittery feeling. like i want the world to spin faster so I could go back to finish the book and see how it ends (I'm sure a bookworm would understand). lately I'v been feeling the same way with my writting. like my life is the story I can't wait to finish (waaiit that sounds like I'm going to commit suicide....). I just get this feeling that I wanted to document everything. and I mean EVERYTHING that happens in my life. even if nobody is going to read it. I could always read it and recall things in my life that could be falling from my memories. and I want to see how I would end this jurnal.

so yeah while I was here, I brought a notebook along and I've been writting in it about indonesia. I'm going to put that in my blog as a series. I call it "notes from indo". I'm going to type it all up later on if I have the time. so it will be all about my trip to Indo, meeting old friends, teaching in my old school, my cousins who I haven't seen for two years, families, changes, and a bit comments about indonesia itself.

anyway right now I'm going to youtube. I haven't been there for weeks. I wonder how long a person could last without youtube....

CHOCOLATE!!!!!

I guess last time I was being a bit of a drama queen. but as usual things like that never last long. so I already left all the teary feeling behind.

anyway yesterday was fun. I wake up feeling that I just had to search on google for clichés. I don't know why. maybe because my english teacher suggest that I might be interested in them. and she's right. I do find clichés fascinating. when I looked at the list of clichés I found that some of them are familiar, others are a bit strange. anyway one caught my eye, "we'll cross the bridge when we come to it.". I'm going to make that my cliché of the week!

me and my cousin joined and youth event on Dandenong library. it's called chocolate factory. we thought we're making chocolate. but it turns out we're eating chocolate....and that is simply OK with us!!! only i think our parents wouldn't sign us up if they know that before. especially since chocolate triggers my sister's skin condition and asthma. but we had a great time. we had games and stuff. we get chocolate prizes. I even won something. which is very very rare.

on Wednesday we sign up for a theme park outing with the youth program, so my mother and I has to work hard to finish all the newspaper to deliver today (we only got three days every week to deliver them, monday, tuesday and wednesday. we've been working hard. anyway now I had to get ready because there is another event we're going to attend. jewellery making. sounds interesting. unlike my mother who said she enjoys more doing things and going places with the family and organized them herself, I find youth programs enjoyable. I mean, I agree with my mother, I like organizing events with the family but sometimes doing things with people my own age are exciting. knowing we don't have grown ups around makes me feel independent. having no little brothers or cousin around to take care of makes me feel free. and meeting new friends are nice. even though my social skills are limited.

sore eye

Yesterday I woke up with a swelling eye. there seems to be something wrong with my left eye. maybe it got stung by an insect. I have no Idea. my mother said it's probably nothing to worry about so I'm not doing anything to it. but it's getting irritable. it still is today. I just hope it will get well soon.

My cousin's (Wafa) birthday is coming. she's turning 8. a friend of her is going to turn 9, so they decided to celebrate their birthday together. they organized a party (with a help from yours truly). they also make family meetings about it to inform what they have decide. they decided to have a water fight party. without them realizing it, they are learning how to organized an event and even lead a meeting. and they are doing a very good job. they make me in charge of the pinata. at first I was going to make a flower, but it turns out it's too complicated to make the petals. so I just left two of them and turn it into mouse ears instead. the girls (that's Wafa and her friend Saina) agreed that they wanted to make Angelina Ballerina. to decorate it we're using streamers that my mother bought. but she bought blue and pink streamers, and Angelina is suppose to be white. so we make a pink Angelina Ballerina wearing a blue ribbon. we're almost finish, but we still need to put the goodies inside.

in a week we'll be on our way to Indonesia. we've been shopping to the city to buy gifts and souvenirs for our friends back in Indonesia. there's this store called "Something Ausie". my mother herd about it from a friend. when we got there I get the "expensive type" feeling from the store. and I'm right. as usual. but I guess the price is acceptable since all of the stuffs are ozzy made. and I did get an aboriginal painting for five dollars. I't will look good on my room. this store is perfect for someone who likes branded stuff. but for me, I always survive with cheaper model as long as it's good enough.

yesterday I had a bit of a conflict with my mother. she lectures me about how I spend my time reading manga online. lately I'm interested with "W Juliet". she said I should spend my time doing important things like reading science book or what ever and that reading that won't get me everyday. then she said something about me always do things behind her back and how she can't trust me any more. I couldn't agree with that. I feel I deserve a break after doing chores and stuff. I always try to do them properly and I only read after everything has been done. beside I'm not hiding anything from her. how can I? I have to share the same computer on the living room. and how about my sister? I used to complain to my mother on how she always act secretly and always cover her laptop screen when I come to her room and what was my mother reply? she said we should give her some space and that maybe we should let her keep a secret from us. of course she trusts my sister. even if she never does anything productive and stay in her cave most of the time. and I'm getting tired of her nagging me about my lack of interest in science. I know I used to love it. but lately I just found it plainly boring. my father seem to be more acceptable that I'm more interested in literature than my mother is. I know I'm not very persistent. hey I'm not perfect. maybe my mother is right and I shouldn't give up on a subject I used to love. but maybe I just need a break right now. I like something else and I wanted to explore this new subject. I didn't say anything to her back then. I just shuts down the computer, took down the laundry and went to my room and sleep. I feel my mother sit by my side on the bed a few moments later. but I don't feel like arguing. it never brings any good. and beside I was so tired I don't think I could wake up even if I want to. so she left me. we never brings up the matter again. I'm still in denial with her statements and I could feel that she still despise me for that incident. she keeps bringing up about that in casual conversations. she keeps suggesting what I did was wrong. and she feels that she has failed bringing me up. that I'm a failure. at least that's how I feel. she won't start the argument.I know that much. she'll wait for me to bring that up. then I'll lose as I always does. because she's always right. my eye stung even more with tears in them.

I'm baaaack!!!!!!!! now in 2011

whoops been so busy lately I'v made another gap in my documented life whoever tries to biograph me must be annoyed :). well there is only two computers in the house, one is my sister's mac, the one that she uses all day in her cave. and the other one is the pc in the living room which has to be shared between my parents and me... I used to have a laptop but unfortunately it broke. technology and me don't get along very well :(. but my parents promise me a desktop since they saw how often I wrote in my blog. they don't want to get between me and my writing. I love my parents:).

just a few days before the end of the year I manage to finish my biology and math holiday homework. now I only have to finish the work sheet for chemistry which shouldn't take long since its only two pages. and I have read a (specific) book for literature. the library is still close for new year so I'll have to do that later.

anyway right now my father is in Indonesia. we planned to join him in two weeks. I amaze myself that I'm actually excited. Jakarta has an annoying humid weather and unbreathable polluted air. not to mention crowded filthy streets. but the thing I hate the most about jakarta is the extreme social class. I used to live in a rented two bedroom house in the poor side of the country but my father is an marketing assistant manager of one of the most powerful corporation in the country, the oil company. so I could see clearly the major difference of the two side of the social class. and I can't stand it.

I guess I am looking forward to meet my old friends. but deep inside there is just this concern that my friends won't be the same as my expectation. as humans normally do, they must have changed during the last two years. I don't know what to expect.

so the thing that gets me excited is actually the plane ride. the best part of an adventure is always the journey, not the destination. there's always something about airport that makes me feel like I'm going to a far off foreign land, even when I'm not. that's why I don't enjoy waving goodbye at the airport, not only I will be missing the person who's going, I know that they're off to an adventure while I'm going back to my boring life. I'd rather be the one who's leaving than the one who gets left behind.

anyway new year has been fun. I enjoy seeing the news reader say; " see you next year". instead of "see you tomorrow". that is something you only get to see once a year :). last year my mother, my sister, my cousins and me went to Sydney Harbour to see the fireworks. we lived in new south wales back then. after the show we decided five minutes fireworks is not worth having to wait patiently in the crowd, squashing inside the crowded train, and the intoxicated mob. basically the crowd is just too disturbing. so this year we're not bothered. we never really bother about new year anyway. for me every day is a new day. the last day of the year is nothing special, the last day of school is way more exciting. nevertheless fireworks are something I want to see. on new year's eve it was so hot that the whole family decided to sleep in the living room with the air con. I set my alarm to ring at midnight. so we get to watch the fireworks from the tv screen. we diceded to watch the one from sydney instead of in melbourne town square because it looks more grand. it was pretty!!! after it finish we turn the television off then we went back to bed. this new year certainly has been much more exciting than last year. and I'm not being sarcastic.